things change

my partner and i have recently split up in the last few months. i've moved out and am renting a house in the same city with the twins. they' will be staying in the same school and are both proceeding to first grade in august. i tried everything possible to try to work out our differences; suggesting counseling, therapy, more communication, more time together (like date nights), but all were discarded. he's very unhappy, has been for a long time, is no longer in love with me and doesn't want the same things. he also turns 50 later this year and i believe is going through a mid-life crisis. i'll admit that i've been unhappy too but i made a commitment to our relationship almost 7 years ago and i would do whatever it takes to honor that, especially now that we are not only a "couple" but a family. i did get him to therapy several years ago but only about 6 months. there were never any long-term improvements. i saw my only option was to move on and provide a home for my kids and myself where i can find happiness. our house sold after 30 days on the market. i hired a lawyer to file for dissolution of our domestic partnership and custody of the kids, which we both agreed to be 10 days/month for him. the twins seem to be very resilient. i attribute that mostly to the fact that though they have had an uncommon childhood with the severe neglect with their birth mother for the first 21 months of their life and then 13 months in 5 foster care placements and 2 failed adoption attempts they have always had each other to rely on. a lot of pressure for 2 so young. we told them together and they didn't truly understand until we moved and they stopped seeing daddy everyday. they processed the information over time, asking questions sometimes difficult for me to answer, though i do my best to relate my answers to their 5 year old level. i'm now feeling that i have to be mother and father and feel strangely (and strongly) up to the challenge because it's all for them, for their well-being and future. there has been an outpouring of support from family, friends and teachers. we just spent our first father's day together and though it was slightly uncomfortable for us, the kids enjoyed it. my son even remarked in his sensitive way that he liked when the family was all together; daddy, papa, his sister and himself. i later reiterated what i told him before—that we will always be a family even though we don't live in the same house.